Popular Russian Joke

Putin-Merkel-LaughingA very good Russian joke, translated so you may enjoy it.

A boy tells his father, “Dad, my math teacher wants to see you.”

The father asks, “What happened?”

“Well she asks me, ‘what is 7 x 9?’ I answer ’63′ , then she asks, ‘and 9 x 7?’ so I ask ‘what’s the fucking difference?’”

“Indeed, what is the difference?” asks the father. ”Sure, I’ll go.”

The next day, the boy comes home from school and asks, “Dad, have you gone by the school?”

“Not yet,” the dad replies.

The boy says, “Well when you do, come see the gym teacher also.”

“Why?” asks the father.

The boy answers, “Well we had gym class today, and he asked me to raise my left arm, so I did. Then my right arm, so I raised it. Then he asked me to lift my right leg, so I did. ‘Now,’ he says, ‘lift your left leg,’ so I answer, ‘What, am I suppose to stand on my cock!?’”

“Exactly,” says the father. “Alright, I’ll come.”

The next day, the boy asks his father, “Did you go to the school?”

“No, not yet.”

“Don’t bother, I got expelled.”

The father asks surprised, “Why did you get expelled?”

“They summoned me to the principal’s office, and there stood the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the art teacher.”

“The fuck was the art teacher doing there?” the father asked.

“That’s what I said” the boy replies.

 

Special Prenatal Massage

Prenatal-Massage

As you already know pregnancy is very very hard on women and a professional prenatal massage can work wonders.  A prenatal massage at your local massage parlor or spa will help reduce stress and relieve some of the discomfort experienced during pregnancy.  The prenatal massage can help with headaches, muscle tension, fatigue, cramps, swelling, and other ordinary aches and pains our dear women encounter.

Be a hero and set up a pregnancy massage for you, your wife or someone you know… I promise she will greatly appreciate it.

Here are some links for more information:

BabyCenter- Prenatal Massage

WebMD – Pregnancy Body Massage

Stubbed Toe In Front Of A Smart Ass

stubbed-toe

Living with a smart ass is special and at times a burden.  You could be the sweetest little thing on the face of the Earth, but the moment you slip, trip, or fall, that smart ass comes equipped with a quick quip and even cracks a laugh while you lay there in agonizing pain.

While it would be kind of me to share some words on the special times I’ve spent living with a smart ass, I cannot do so at this moment.  The comic, illustration, above is dedicated to the burdensome moments shared with a smart ass… like stubbing your toe, or getting a stubbed toe, in front of one.

Got any stubbed toe moments to share?

How about some funny smart ass moments?

Congress Summer Vacation 2014

Congress-Vacation-2014

Congress summer recess 2014!! Oh yeah!

Hard to predict what our congressman are up to this summer, but it’s fun to guess.  Just to test your knowledge of current affairs, can you name the members of congress above??

 

CIA Congress Report

CIA-Spying-on-Congress

What Contractions Feel Like

contractions-feel-like

What is Throwback Thursday

what-is-throwbackthursday

Try explaining #TBT, throwback thursday, to a 4 year old.  Interesting how in today’s modern world our kids seem to be down to earth than a lot of us… mature adults.   Happy ThrowbackThursday!

 

A Cure For Nausea During Pregnancy

nausea-during-pregnancy

Bearded Men With Babies

These days it’s not uncommon to see a father with a beard kiss his baby.  If any of you have thought of shaving or asking your loved one to shave for the baby’s sake, think again.  Take a long hard look at the pictures above, happy babies with their bearded fathers, their bearded dads.

Almost inspirational, perhaps you don’t sport a beard and now imagine sharing one with the world; trust me, it’s worth the effort.  If you haven’t tried it, give it a shot, because you have to try everything at least once.  Your kids may not like it, you wife may hate it, but at least you know what it’s like to have a beard and kiss your child wearing one.

Go on, join the club: Bearded Men With Babies.

Having Another Baby

Having-Another-BabySo you’re having another baby… Congratulations!!! You never know what to expect, but you try to imagine: dark or light skin with curly hair, perhaps blue or green eyes… These days our world has become such a melting pot of deliciousness that it’s hard to predict what our babies will look like.

My wife and I had a blonde baby boy; I’m Colombian, dark hair fair skin, and my wife, half Haitian half white.  No one could have predicted the blonde blue eyed monster and to this day I look at him in awe.

Unfortunately, our blonde mystery baby doesn’t sleep at night, which would explain his very very fair skin and his habit of biting people (perhaps he’s trying to feed).  Either way… we love the little guy to pieces.

Please, tell us about your baby and what makes him/her an enigma.  We’d love to hear your stories.